Episode 013 – Sensitivity and Delicious Assholes

A short episode this month as the Dads are plagued with illnesses and Rich’s house has exploded. They still manage to discuss the differences in approaches to mental health management and remember the importance of abusing your friends. As always, you can get free music and other media from the links at http://www.sadmaddads.com where you can also get in touch with the Dads and support the show.

WARNING: Explicit content – NSFW

More free music at https://mrrichstokes.bandcamp.com/ and http://www.aquilalovesyou.com

Featured song: “Sensitive” by Rich Stokes @MrRichStokes

Featured links:
Cards Against Humanity https://cardsagainsthumanity.com/
Poorly Summarized Podcast – http://poorlysummarized.com/

Episode 012 – Growling at the Gubbins (and Other Sex Crimes)

After some cancelled sessions, the boys finally get back in the studio to stick it to the gender stereotyping of sex toys, suggest that you should always know where your gun is and try to disguise the fact that they are drinking beer (going by the tone,they largely fail at this last part). As always, you can get free music and other media from the links at http://www.sadmaddads.com where you can also get in touch with the Dads and support the show.

WARNING: Explicit content – NSFW

More free music at https://mrrichstokes.bandcamp.com/ and http://www.aquilalovesyou.com

Featured links:

3Fap – https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/3fap-3-textured-orifices-with-suction-for-men#/

Dickhead of the Week – http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/progun-mum-jamie-gilt-will-never-give-up-her-guns-despite-being-shit-by-son-family-say/news-story/36303137d00bab41c3e8eaa936e3319f

Macapaca and the Pipe

So, we’re watching In the Night Garden. Again. And it suddenly hit me – if you imagine that Macapaca’s trumpet is actually a bottle of Scotch, it all takes on a horrible, dark twist. Living by himself in isolation, wheeling around his trolley filled with all his possessions, constantly taking a pull to numb the pain. He cleans the metaphorical windscreens of the other characters’ faces, but they never pay him.

Or, as @EyeonicDJ stated, maybe it’s a crack pipe. Which actually makes more sense. I mean, the guy collects rocks and lives in a cave. And look at those bags around his eyes – he’s a common crack fiend. Going to sleep at night, hugging a rock to himself; his only comfort in a world of colour and light that he just doesn’t fit into. If only someone could release him from his crippling addiction, or show just one act of kindness – maybe he wouldn’t feel so alone.

Or maybe In the Night Garden is just fucking weird.

And maybe so am I.

Dumb-ass stuff we need to stop saying to Dads.

Great article! Thanks for writing it. We do our best. But we do do dumb stuff sometimes. 🙂

(ha – I said “do do”).

Episode 011 – Parent Sex and Eczema Cock

The boys are back with a new, re-branded podcast about the trials and tribulations of being a creative entity, but also a parent. Episode 11 showcases new features, free musical comedy, the banter you love and also some tips and tools that might be of some use in the bedroom (if you’re first aid trained). As always, you can get free music and other media from the links at http://www.sadmaddads.com where you can also get in touch with the Dads and support the show.

WARNING: Explicit content – NSFW

Subscribe to the show at http://sadmaddads.podbean.com

Featured song: “The Secret of Happiness” by Rich Stokes @MrRichStokes
More free music at https://mrrichstokes.bandcamp.com/ and http://www.aquilalovesyou.com

Featured links:

 The Ovipositor – http://www.vice.com/read/the-emerging-fetish-of-laying-alien-eggs-inside-yourself

Monkey and Me by Emily Gravitt https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Lcw_kOF61A

Angel’s Grapefruit technique https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvovI0kPhck&feature=youtu.be

Thomas & The Devil

DAN: “Come to Drayton Manor! Come and waste a fuck tonne of money to stand around in a queue all day with all the other retards and spend £10 on a portion of shitty chips”.

Seriously, why did I agree to this? I HATE these places. If hell is real and I end up there (let’s face it, I would*) then it will be a colossal theme park that you are never allowed to leave. I’m not super fond of fairground rides or roller coasters anyway, so these places have no attraction for me in any way. Add in the crowds, the fact that my kids are too young to understand the point of queuing and some rain, and this is pretty much the pits.

Of hell.

SOMEONE SAVE ME!

*And so would you.

A little slice of things to come…

Just to keep you entertained while you wait for more episodes, you can listen to our “pilot” episodes HERE. There is also video of some of them. For example, jump into our game of Cards Against Humanity in this section of Episode 9. Enjoy!

Retreating penis

BOB: Not to put my neck out too much here, but has anyone else’s penis shrunk in length, girth and circumference after the years of parenting? Almost as though it’s retreating in fear of creating another one of these soul leeching lovelies. Looks like an acorn poking out of a wire wool nest these days.

RICH: Aii! Now I’m not gonna be able to look at an acorn without thinking of your tackle.  Some poor web-browsing dad will have happened across this site and thought, “Ah, that sounds useful and supportive… What’s this? Explicit content?  There doesn’t seem to be any… argh!  No!”

But to answer your very brave question, I have to say no. Sorry. Mine has stayed the same since my teens apart from what I can only call a growth spurt (I won’t ask you to pardon the pun, I have no shame) when I was around twenty. And although that was exciting at the time it still only took me from “average” to “about average.”

Do you think the retreat has happened through neglect or overuse? Or is it just the cold weather?

DAN: I also cannot confirm any reduction, I’m afraid. Not because I’m sure it hasn’t happened, mind you. More that it’s been so long since I’ve had the time, inclination or energy to think of using mine for anything other than passing waste fluids that I simply haven’t looked. And since our bathroom is right next to the nursery, I have gotten into the habit of sitting down to piss as a noise-reduction strategy so I don’t even get to say hello to my monster or rub his back / hold his hair back whilst he’s being sick.

BOB: Ha ha… No no… mine neither. I was just making a funny first post. Nothing really wrong with my King Kong.

DAN: … awkward…

The Art Of Not Drinking

DAN: Good morning, dear Sir. How are you on this fine day?

RICH: Pretty good I think! Nice to awaken without a hangover. Not missing the early morning grumpiness that goes with daily wine intake and feel quite pleased with 4 nights sober in a row. This may not sound like much of an achievement but it is for me, especially since I went to the pub on Wednesday and my beautiful wife was drinking last night. (Yes, I am ready for my sainthood, thanks for asking. The world needs more atheist saints.)

So other than a vague undercurrent of depression that I may be sacrificing my hopes and dreams in order to be a family man with a regular income, (my default state), I’m pretty good.

How are you?

DAN: Amazingly, I could cut and paste your response with only the following edits and it would be valid:

“Pretty good I think! Nice to awaken without a hangover. Not missing the early morning grumpiness that goes with daily wine intake and feel quite pleased with 4 5 nights sober in a row. This may not sound like much of an achievement but it is for me, especially since I went to the pub on Wednesday and my beautiful wife was drinking last night I REALLY wanted a beer yesterday and there’s a can of Speckled Hen in the fridge staring at me. (Yes, I am ready for my sainthood thanks for asking. The world needs more atheist saints.)

So other than a vague undercurrent of depression that I may be sacrificing my dreams and hopes in order to be a family man with a regular income, (my default state), having a job I actually like in order to pay for the house we just bought, I’m pretty good.

How are you?” (that last bit wouldn’t work, otherwise we could end up in an endless cycle).

Impressed you managed to resist when wifey was on it. Kudos. I could also add in that I’m having small yet regular panics that I’m soon to move into a house that is going to be FUCKING EXPENSIVE for the next 30 years, resulting in me being trapped in a job that I only sometimes enjoy for the rest of my useful life. And don’t get me started on the dreams bit.

RICH: Congrats on the five days! I’m gonna aim for seven and see how I feel. And remember, as Stephen Fry once said,

“The knowledge that one is not alone is priceless.”

I know exactly how you feel about the house- perhaps not on the same scale, but I can empathise.

The argument: But EVERYONE ELSE hates their job and does stuff for money and no other reason!

Me: But everyone else is also (and lets be clear about this) a cunt. With a few notable exceptions.

Merry Xmas! Or not.

Bob: How was your christmas?

Dan: Chaos. Neither of the kids were well so no-one got any sleep and it was really stressful. You?

Bob: Same. What a shit christmas.

“‘Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Coughing and spluttering
And a vomiting mouse.”

Dan: Ha! But remember: baby Jesus loves you.

Bob: He was a fucking BABY. He loved tits, sleep and waking other people up. Notice how they missed the part in the nativity where the shepherds and Kings got up and left saying “Saviour or not, you noisy bastard, you’re doing my head in”.

Dan: I like tits and sleep too, but I see no reason to be a dick about it by waking people up and telling them.

Bob: Yeah, and we don’t start screaming when we haven’t had either for two hours.

Dan: … speak for yourself.